Somewhere in the archives of Facebook exists a photo of a fun-loving teenager in her last few days of her senior year of high school. She’s sitting inside a large recycling bin in the school hallway, giving a peace sign, grinning from ear to ear.

That girl is not me.

A person sits inside a large blue barrel holding a water bottle and flashing a peace sign, surrounded by students in school uniforms; faces are covered with smiley emojis.
The picture in question — I’m thrilled, aren’t I?

Instead, if you examine the background of the photo, you see a stone-faced Emily, holding a massive pile of books with a pink velvet purse dangling from her shoulder. I’m averting my eyes, but my body language says it all: The other kids are goofing off in school, something I take very seriously, and I do not approve.

Here’s the kicker: I am goofy when I feel comfortable. I give my pets ridiculous voices, sing made-up songs, and sprinkle puns generously in conversation. Most importantly, I can laugh at little mistakes and stay optimistic about obstacles.

“Taking ourselves too seriously is about the amount of control we try to take over things that are uncontrollable in our lives.”

But when it comes to spaces with rules — like school, work, or finances — I have a no-nonsense side. My tone subdues out of fear of misspeaking; my humor hides as I worry it’ll be mistaken for a lack of intelligence. I become less flexible; I curate myself because I want control. I practice rigorous self-judgment and set unachievable standards for myself too. It’s an intense approach that sets me up for failure and robs me of the peace that comes with self-acceptance and accomplishing smaller goals.

Why do we take ourselves too seriously?

Taking ourselves too seriously is about the amount of control we try to take over things that are uncontrollable in our lives — like judging a girl in a recycling bin on your way to class. There are, of course, very serious things happening in the world today. And they deserve to be taken seriously.

But not taking yourself so seriously means that you can see and accept yourself at your most elemental — as a changing human playing out an unfinished story. It doesn’t mean you lack self-respect or that you don’t care about who you are. When you loosen up on yourself, you open up space for play, for exploration, and for change.

As the years go by, I more fully embrace the ridiculous, improvisational person I am when I’m with my friends. I want to be that person all the time, tipping my hand to people I know less intimately, being more honest and authentic with acquaintances. Getting a little stranger with strangers, so to speak. 🤪

The science behind playfulness

Research actually supports the idea that being playful and not taking yourself too seriously can have significant benefits. Recent research published on Nature.com has found that playful activity — especially for adults — can help promote adjustment, adaptability, and overall well-being. The researchers also suggest that playfulness helps us adapt to new situations and cope with setbacks, making us more resilient.

“Playful activity — especially for adults — can help promote adjustment, adaptability, and overall well-being.”

And humor, which may be even a step further than playfulness, has been seen to bridge the social distance between strangers and improve social bonds. The fact that there’s so much research on humor and play is notable — these things are important and deserve to be studied. (Did you know there’s an International Journal of Humor Research? I didn’t! They even have conferences).

The power of imperfection

As the years go by, I more fully embrace the ridiculous, improvisational person I am when I’m with my friends. I want to be that person all the time, tipping my hand to people I know less intimately, being more honest and authentic with acquaintances. Getting a little stranger with strangers, so to speak. 🤪

But it’s not always easy. Author and researcher Brené Brown has spent years researching vulnerability and shame. She’s found that people who allow themselves to be imperfect — who “embrace the suck,” as she sometimes says — are more likely to experience joy and connection. In her words, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.”

When I actively seek humor or levity in situations beyond my control, I open myself up to vulnerability while also offering myself an olive branch. Not forcing a perfect response or holding myself up to rigid standards grants me the opportunity to feel my feelings, without self-critique. It also invites me to be open to self-forgiveness for when I am perhaps not serious enough.

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.”

– Brené Brown

I still have days where I freeze up and can’t handle going with the flow — a last-minute change of plans? A small, unforeseen expense? Sleeping past 10 a.m. on a weekend? These things interrupt what I thought was managed. I’m so firmly grasping for control, that when things slip out of line, I can start to slip too.

According to a survey by the American Psychological Association, a majority of adults report that uncertainty in their lives — especially when it comes to politics, a topic that should be very serious — is a significant source of stress. We crave predictability and order, but life is inherently unpredictable. The more we try to control the uncontrollable, the more anxious and exhausted we become.

You can’t control what happens, but you can control how you respond to it, which is something I’ve been learning for over three decades. (Especially in 2025 where so much continues to be outside of my control). Here are a few things I’ve been reminding myself lately to help me show up authentically without taking myself too seriously.

“It’s your outlook on life that counts. If you take yourself lightly and don’t take yourself too seriously, pretty soon you can find the humor in our everyday lives. And sometimes it can be a lifesaver.”

– Betty White

1. Be Who You Are with Your Besties

I am vulnerable, forthcoming, and absurdly strange when I’m with my friends. We transition seamlessly from unhinged monologues in our pets’ “voices” to discussing heavy heartbreak in a matter of seconds. We laugh together during our darkest days as a way of reminding one another that we’ll always be here for each other.

Why not bring a little of that energy into other areas of your life? Studies show that authentic expression — being your true self — leads to greater emotional well-being and psychological need satisfaction.

2. Allow Your Body to Play

What form does this take for you? For me, inviting more play into my life looks like dancing or chasing after my cat (we like to hunt each other before bed, she’s quite the little house panther). Maybe you crave the feeling of grass between your toes or a simple inversion; practicing playful embodiment is a good way to get out of your head. There are no rules — play can be as simple as jumping in a puddle or doing a silly dance in your kitchen.

3. Create Something Unusual

“Creating without goals helps me let go of how I think things “should go.” I appreciate creative opportunities to go with the flow, like painting, writing, or doodling in my art journal.”

Creating without goals helps me let go of how I think things “should go.” I appreciate creative opportunities to go with the flow, like painting, writing, or doodling in my art journal. If those suggestions aren’t your style, try wearing two conflicting garments, improvising with ingredients as you cook dinner, or singing a silly song to your pet. Create something before your mind has a chance to call out imperfections.

4. Take Pauses When You Need to Reset

Sometimes all my seriousness needs is a few seconds to reboot itself. When plans change outside of my control, I take a moment to recalibrate and accept the new flow. I’ll sometimes excuse myself for a bathroom break to just breathe, acknowledge my overwhelm, and let the change sink in.

Mindfulness practices, like taking a pause, have been shown to reduce stress and increase emotional regulation — even brief moments of mindfulness can help people respond more calmly to unexpected events. My mind is significantly calmer when I’m in a regular meditation practice, which in turn helps me be more aware of emotional cues that are telling me “hey, take a break! It’s not that serious!”

5. When in Doubt, Engage the Senses

Our need for control happens so much in our minds. When I’m wrapped up with worry, I love to indulge my senses to remind my brain she’s part of a human body. Eating a rich pasta dish, feeling the softness of linen sheets, and literally stopping to smell the roses on a morning walk can remind you that the present is all we have. Embrace it.

This all may sound like I’ve figured it out. I haven’t. Letting go of things beyond my control is a long and continual process; I still plot out negative outcomes or responses as if they’re certainties. (I’ve even found it useful to fidget with an anxiety ring when I find myself in this storytelling spiral). I outline how I think things will go, stressing myself out in the process, and preventing me from doing them in the first place. 

“Let’s lean into the small joys and absurdities, and officially designate silliness as self-care.”

If you find yourself forcing control today, loosen your grip. The world won’t always bend to your will, which means it’s time to embrace a little flexibility — and perhaps a touch of humor. Let’s lean into the small joys and absurdities, and officially designate silliness as self-care. I know I need to.

What practices help you loosen up? Share them with me in the comments below! Whether it’s dancing in your living room, making up songs for your pets, or simply allowing yourself to laugh at your own mistakes, remember: you’re not alone in the struggle to let go. And you’re definitely not alone in the joy that comes when you finally do.

Emily McGowan is the Editorial Director at The Good Trade. She studied Creative Writing and Business at Indiana University, and has over ten years of experience as a writer and editor in sustainability and lifestyle spaces. Since 2017, she’s been discovering and reviewing the top sustainable home, fashion, beauty, and wellness products so readers can make their most informed decisions. Her editorial work has been recognized by major publications like The New York Times and BBC Worklife. You can usually find her in her colorful Los Angeles apartment journaling, caring for her rabbits and cat, or gaming. Say hi on Instagram!